One of the main things I think we tend to forget to reasses are the people in our lives. Our families and friends and colleagues just "are." They are there, some new and some old, and there is nothing we can do to change it. Or can we?
People are so afraid of change, and we hold on to people and things that are known and comfortable...even if they aren't good for us. As children, we have our blankies. At some point, though, when the blanket gets dirty and full of holes, the edges frayed, our mothers and fathers take it away from us and make us move on. As adults, we have no one there to take it away. Other friends may warn us, and tell us, but we are secure in what we know, and behind rose colored glasses, that blankie doesn't look so bad.
I have suffered from this for a long time, with friends I have known for a long time. I forgave serious hurts, looked passed months and months of ignored text messages and phone calls, turned the other way with snide comments and petty jealousy of my accomplishments, and in the end all I ended up being was hurt and confused. As this year has progressed, I tried to reach out to these friends, seek reciprocation and respect, and ended up with nothing. As a result, I realzied how much having unsuporrtive and toxic friends is detrimental to my mental and physical health. A random text message will no longer do, and a "like" on Facebook is no longer considered communication (was it ever though?). Our childish days are behind us, and I have gotten rid of fareweather friends. All relationships are work, and I was done being the only one putting the time in.
This wasn't easy. And I went the route of quietly phasing people out as opposed to a dramatic "break up" ; deleting their numbers and removing them off Facebook, instagram, etc., I declined some social obligations where they would be involved. I moved forward. At first I felt a little guilty...but as time went on, I realized that not wondering why I hadn't heard from them, why had they not reached out, sent a Christmas card, or called on my birthday even, made me feel so much better! A few noticed, and sent the "I miss you text", which was appreciated; but I smiled and shook my head, thinking "Yes...and I missed you too, but I miss the Best Me more."
It is nice to know that the remaining people in my life do not judge. They are always supportive. They remember the little things, and most of all they remind me that quality of qantity is ALWAYS the way to go.
I was lucky enough to never have friends that were blatantly hateful to me, or passive agressive to make themselves feel better. But I have friends that know people like that: who tear them down instead of building them up. Are we all going to have bad days? Yes. Do we want someone who tells us when we are off that day? YES! But we want them to tell us because they love us, NOT because it makes them feel better, or because they don't care about our feelings.
I am happy that I have those spots open now, and have made more room for more fabulous people in my life. Rip off the band-aide ladies, throw out the old blankies that need to be thrown and get you some cashmere! Life is too too short not to.
All my Love,