This happens to everyone. There are times where we are on top of the world. Our ideas are flowing freely and they are being acknowledged and supported by those around you. You look and feel great, and find that all goals you set for yourself are being achieved easily. Your stars are all in alignment. However....for some of us (please tell me its more than just me) we fall from that fluffy cloud nine and find ourselves falling much further than anticipated. Since I last updated this blog, I have experienced many life changes, ups and downs.
Since I last checked in, I lost my job, two grandparents, lost my direction and motivation in more ways than one, gained 20 lbs, got into serious debt and said goodbye to some friends. I set goal after goal, and fell short time after time. But I kept getting back up. I had a BED relapse, (hence the extra poundage) but I have come out on the other side. I found another job that has been fantastic, and I have been given the chance to take a step back and see some of the things that I need and really want in my life. With these things in mind, I am SO ready to get on track, move forward in my life and my journey, and share these ups and downs.
Here is what I have realized:
I cannot depend on the support of others to keep me going. It seems everyone is really on board when you talk about life changes, goals, wants, dreams, etc. But when you actually start gearing up to do this, it seems people abandon you or find things to tell you to discourage your progress. So I am so happy to share with others, and always appreciate the love and support of people....but I will no longer depend on this to keep me going. I will no longer use "I don't really feel supported" as an excuse.
I am my own worst enemy. I had to take a step back and stop blaming others, or the situations around me, for me feeling bad about myself or low. In the past year and a half, I have had days of such crippling depression and anxiety, I could not get myself out of bed. But then I found that when I feel good about myself, and when I build myself up, I feel better. And when I feel better, I treat people better, which in turn, has a direct effect on how they treat me, and the way my day goes. It is a cycle! And before it was a cycle of anger and self hate....that I didn't realize I was the cause of. I have to stop my negative thoughts in their tracks, and make the decision to get out of bed in the morning, and appreciate this beautiful life I have been given.
I need to renew my relationship with God. I have always been a Christian, and follower of Christ...but never in a way that I needed. It is something I have been pushing away, and borderline denying for years. I found that the more I go to church, the more I pray everyday, and the more I let go of my stress and problems and fears and give them to God with the knowledge that there is a plan in place for me, I am a MUCH happier person, and I see things come to fruition in their own time. It is an amazing relationship I am planning on growing and spending more time on.
I cannot keep setting unrealistic time frames for things to happen. Before, I would go so hardcore ball to the wall with my diet and exercise, or a huge life change, that when a week would go by and nothing would happen (besides me being frustrated) I would assume I was worthless, and nothing was going to work, and I would give up. And with all the people I have spoken to, and been inspired by, I have now seen I HAVE to stop focusing on the end result and when it will show up, and instead focus on the journey. Because the journey is beautiful...and anything worth having is going to take work, blood, sweat, tears, pain, falls, and anger. And that is ok.
I do NOT have to have a niche, or an area of expertise to be able to blog. I do not need a specific skill set to put what I want out there. As some of you know, I have tried over the last year or so to create several different blogs for fitness, or fashion, or cooking...etc. Things I really love and have a genuine interest in. It seemed that to be successful, I had to have ONE area of expertise, or ONE thing that my blog or life was about. But who the hecks life is like that? NO ONES! I love to shop and live for fashion. I love to cook and come up with recipes for my family. I am trying to exercise and change my body. But this doesn't mean I have to only ever talk about one thing. My life is multi-dimensional, and I think you can be an "expert" on lots of things. Its my life! And I am an expert on that. So I am not going to feel odd or "all over the place" for posting about food, or an OOTD, or my gym routine that day, or excessive pictures of my dogs...because that is life. And life is multi-dimensional.
I hope that with these realizations, and my life where it is, I can get back on track with something I love. I sincerely hope that I can put this love out in the world, and help inspire others to move forward towards their goals and hopes and dreams, and realize that we are ALL human, and we are all going to have twists and turns. It's ok. And we ALL have to start over sometimes.
ALL MY LOVE,